Either age is an ally or it isn’t:
A friend of mine just quoted me this, and for some reason it really resonated. On the surface I can say with all honesty, I’ve never had issues with my own age. Outside of being a teenager and thinking 16 years-old sounded so much more mature than 15, I’ve never lied about it either. (Do fake ID’s count to get into bars? Color me Guilty there too). I didn’t freak when I turned 30, or 40, and I don’t fathom I will when I turn 50. With the exception of my body betraying me with the occasionally weird ache or twinge here and there, I feel very similar to when I was 35.
Ok, truth be told if I could have my 20 year old boobs back, I would take those in a heartbeat. And if we are putting our fantasy orders in, give me back that flat taut tummy too.
Based on all of this, questioning whether age was an ally to me would have seemed ridiculous. That’s because MY age isn’t an issue.
But let’s place my hesitancy on dating someone younger on the table, and BOING, Age suddenly isn’t my Ally so much anymore.
The brakes have ALWAYS screeched to a halt on that one. I don’t have a reason for it, outside my kids. I never wanted to date someone closer to their age, than my own. My Anne Bancroft to his Dustin Hoffman.
Turn it in reverse and have me date someone older, someone closer to my mother’s age than my own and the comfort factor is completely there. Makes no sense, it is what is is. In high school I dated college aged, and later in life most of my relationships were with men easily 10 – 15 years older. Call it my Daddy Complex, or a perceived maturity factor — whatever – but like a fine wine or cheese, I liked my men aged.
Fast forward to today and my semi-new single status and the truth becomes a bit more glaring. With my slightly advancing age, these same men are now in a category that would now be close to Medicare and Social Security. Hey I’ve got good friends who are collecting these benefits, but I’m not dating them, and I have to ask myself, “Really? You want to continue to go there?”
I’ve dated younger guys before, but their age was always a sticking point for me. No fault of their own, but I’ve figured our music tastes, our travel tastes, conversations — just wouldn’t gel. In the back of my head, that niggling little factor would be there, taunting me. I have several friends who actually prefer younger men, and I never got it. Give me rugged over baby faced. Give me experience over immaturity. I might sigh a lusty sigh over a Ryan Gosling, but when a 30 year old would come my way, I’d send ‘em packing.
Until a couple of days ago.
That’s when The Boy reached out to me. I can’t say if it was his candor or his easy going style, — ok, I can say part of it was his looks. Color me shallow. But added into that was the fact he was NOT hitting on me per say. It gave him at least the green light to talk. And as I talked with him, he was sweet. After about a day I had to broach the age factor, because this one was large. Something, generally speaking, really out of my comfort zone. It’s what he prefers, he told me. He likes his women – haha … the same way I liked my men at his age.
It made me laugh with irony, because suddenly I sort of got it. The veil of ageism was lifted. Maybe only partially, but it’s lifted. I don’t know where this might go with The Boy. Maybe nowhere. Maybe somewhere. I like the fact that this enlightenment hit me. I’m not suddenly on the market for a Boy Toy, but I am open to the idea, that with what I am looking for, a younger guy could possibly work out. So could a guy my age, or a few years older. I am okay with the AGE.
In opening this door, it’s tantamount to allowing myself a whole new arena to shop in. Trust me, I still have to wrap my head around why a younger guy would prefer an older woman, but in my attempt to not overthink things, I’m ok with it. As far as labels go; I’m okay with the possibility of venturing into Cougar territory (although The Boy reminds me that Cougar is a sexual term only, and that isn’t what he is looking for. Did I mention he seems to be a smart boy too?)
I look at it like this; Cougars are strong independent creatures. *I* am a strong independent creature. If I decide to go down this avenue, I will do so with no qualms about that label.