I am having a very rare, very angry at the entire Male Species kind of day today.
I hate when people generalize. When they lump their anger and misconstrued judgment and place it all into one pot at one gender, race, whatever. That’s not who I am, it’s not how I operate.
Except today. Because for today, I am that person. I am having an extremely hard time recalling a man who is not a liar. Oh I know they are out there. I know they are less elusive than say, Unicorns – but at this moment I am having a really really hard time coming up with a good example.
I’ve ran the scenarios of the past few men in my life in the say – a year; ex relationships, friends, ones that wanted to be more than friends, ones that became a little more than friends, and those that got thrown back into the simple friends pot and Every. Single. One —- with the exception of one has lied to me. I haven’t caught the Young One in any lies, so I am not including him here. I’m betting the farm that there has been a couple of lies thrown my way over time by him. But that’s the bitterness in me talking.
The lie that seems most predominant is the inability to communicate whether or not you are still in a relationship. Seems pretty easy doesn’t it? Are. You. Involved? Strike Involved and insert; married, seeing some seriously, seeing someone casually, seeing someone at all. Is your divorce or separation real or imagined? And most important of them all: Do the other women in your life know you are dating, attempting to date, sleeping around, fucking others, attempting to fuck others, sexting, texting or talking to other women, or anything even close to this?
It’s an easy enough question. One that I answer honestly. Instead I get this:
The Confessor – the one who finally realized you really are serious about honesty and then rushed to confess that one tiny detail to me. They only lied for a little bit. Actually they only omitted for a little bit.
The Denier – the one who still wants to deny things. The one with the fucking smoking gun in his hand, wedding band on his ring finger, and then still wants to convince you he didn’t do it. His answer for getting caught constantly is say they he doesn’t know how it’s happening!
The Magician – the one who can switch things so quickly with the slight of his hand, that you wonder for a moment if you really saw, what you thought you did. Some also know him as the Double Talker.
Lastly is the one who rearranges the truth. I don’t even have a moniker for him. He rearranges the past lies, the current lies, and probably future lies too. It’s like the Shell Game, and you’re watching to see which cup holds the lie. You’ll never win. Give up now.
There are small lies. Large lies. Lies thru omission. And I think to myself, “Is it me?” Am I so Goddamned trusting that I bring out the worst in people? That the liars out there, gravitate towards me because they smell the belief that someone will take in their bullshit? I know – I simply know it to be a fucking fact that there are decent people out there. I refuse to give up on that fact. I’d just like to know what elusive place they live.
The part that angers me the absolute most. That part that makes me feel like a five-year old who wants to stamp her foot and scream, “That’s Not Fair!” is that I’ve been transparent with each of these men. I’ve been honest, and simply asked for that in return. No judgment. No games. Just tell me the truth. But for reasons I absolutely cannot wrap my head around, the same doesn’t come back to me.
The anger has drained me, and wants to leave me with a small case of the hysterical giggles. I call them that, because they are no way shape or form, happy giggles. They are exhausted, just leave me alone giggles. Its the laugh of irony. That voice that says, “You have got to be shitting me ….. “
I will be very very happy when this day is over with. I believe tomorrow brings something better. Until then, the liars, — and they know who they are — can take a flying fucking leap.