Things are very slowly, very tentatively moving with TYO. Sometimes I think I am more surprised with my long term acceptance of this arrangement than anything. I knew initially it was what I wanted. It fit perfect into the scheme of things. But I did wonder, how long I could do casual? It’s not my arena. My area of expertise. It crossed my mind that we could have an issue if one of us grew more attached than the other, and I’ll be honest that I feared it would be me. Or what if one of us met someone else who fit the bill of something with more permanence? How do you break something like this off? Or what if the rules changed?
The good part is none of that has happened. We both seem to be on the same page. For the most part. We have one sticking point — it’s mine, and I wonder if at some time it will be the straw that breaks things. As for the rules today, they haven’t changed as much as they have …. expanded.
I can’t lie and say that my feelings for him haven’t changed. They have. I liked him from the get go. The more I get to know him, the more I see and like that as well. I have a huge amount of respect for his mind. He walks the walk, he talks. Great mind for business, and sharp wit. Lastly, I really enjoy our time together. He’s a quick learner, and open to many things. It’s just not — long term relationship material for either of us. There is something inside of me that really gets that. It’s not one of those things were you are holding out on hope. One of you hoping to escape the Friend Zone if enough time is vested. It’s just not possible.
Yesterday we actually slept together. I mean slept together. Sounds weird after all these months. It was only a nap, but for the two of us, that was HUGE. It involved Time, which is a precious commodity for him. Wasted time no less, told me something had shifted between us. Something for the better. As for me? A Nap is as big as say, — taking one home to meet ones parents. (No parents left for intro’s here) First off, I LOVE me a good nap. I mean Naps are up there with Bacon. So to share nap time with anyone — it says something. It says, “Hey! I like you. Have a nap! It means a lot to me!” I’m not bonking you over the head and dragging you back to my cave, but I am handing you one of my favorite things to share.
Secondly I have no issue with the whole, “Okay it’s time for you to go now.” aspect of a sex life. (I’m telling you I had to have been a guy in a previous life.) I prefer a good night’s sleep over anything (even naps and bacon), and that is really only going to happen if I am sleeping alone. I guess naps are like the tryouts of staying the night together. I’ll tell you whether you got the part after seeing your napping skills. (Do you fidget? Fall asleep quickly? Snore to the point of keeping ME from napping? Cuddle me too tightly?) The nap was nice though. I’ll admit he slept a bit better than I did, but that’s par for the course initially. After all how can I judge your napping skills if I am sleeping thru them? After a small snooze, I carefully extricated myself without waking him. He got bonus points for that too. The ability to sleep when *I* move or leave the room.
Which leads us to the second point of napping; Cuddling. I’m not much of a cuddler. It’s just not really my forte. Fortunately for both of us, neither is he. There is nothing worse than a Cuddler vs. a Non-Cuddler dating. For me it’s about getting warm too easily, and that dreaded feeling of being suffocated. (Emotionally and physically! HA!) I can do it, and I like it a bit, but after about five minutes my eyes have grown big and I’m thinking, “Is it too soon to unwrap myself from this?” But we are human, and I think both he and I craved a little bit of sweet tactile human contact, so some cuddling we wanted and some cuddling we enjoyed. We even pre-arranged it, as weird as that sounds. He later made mention how for two non-cuddlers we seemed to do pretty well with one another in the that department. I’d have to agree.
While most people are literally sleeping with one another by the — what date would that be? – It’s taken us months. This is how it works when you’re not really dating. Our next big venture will be actually sleeping for an entire night with one another. We are talking about heading up to the mountains when it cools down enough. A part of me is a tad giddy at the prospect of so much time with him, but I’ll be honest there is that small part of me figures I won’t get much sleep. Not in the *wink, wink, nudge nudge* way either. More in the more drawn out version of the nap issues. Wait, I guess it’s in that other way too. I mean, we wouldn’t be heading up there to collect pine cones. 😉
All in all, I suspect that this HUGE step of cuddles and naps might knock the wind out of our sails, instead of speeding things up. We tend to do this. One huge step forward and three small ones back. It’s like we need to recalibrate. We both seem to ever so lightly apply slight pressure on the brakes. Communication ebbs off for a little bit. The truth is because of the many obstacles, there is this Wall that eventually we will hit. Hopefully not with any type of force. It could be anything from demands on time, to one or both wanting a different commitment to this. The reasons are limitless.
Which is why I think I am taking my time, and really enjoying the journey for what it is. I see that this has an expiration date, and while it doesn’t sadden me, I can say I am not quite ready for it.