I’m stuck. Not so much writers block, as an editing block. I started this blog out with no anonymity. I had a more private blog that I kept for more than 10 years. Very few were able to read it, but even then I found myself at times editing it, because there were still people I knew personally reading it.
I hoped that trying this in a more public access would eventually give me the freedom to throw caution to the wind. To just let the freak flag fly where it would. But then I started to publish it on my Facebook and again, I found myself editing again. What if this person read this, or that person read that? I know one of my daughters reads it. Friends I knew in middle school but have no idea of who the adult I became. So I kept it — generically clean. Evasive in many areas. It’s still me. 100%. But sometimes I want to write things that I don’t have to edit. Maybe I don’t want to know a particular face is reading this.
And that keeps me stuck. I’m on sabbatical from dating, so the premesis of the blog in its entirety is already compromised. How many times can I either kvetch about the woes of being single, or publically pat myself on the back for the fact I’m truly trying the healthier route? About three I’ve figured.
I’m thinking of creating a second blog. No link to me. No editing. Letting the full freak flag blow in all it’s glory. No posting it to forums where people know me. Coming up with a pseudonym. Because for all this blog is for me, it’s not scratching that particular itch.