An interesting aspect of online dating is the double edged sword of communication. When it’s bad, it’s really bad (see: The Fighter ), and when it’s good, it can be great. I’m not in the great segment yet. But I’m dancing around the possibility of maybe kind of good. Which is probably only a few hairs away from being kinda bad now that I think of it …..
Great is a rare thing. Great means they understand the context of prose thru text. They know when to walk a line with endearments, and which endearments work. For example, Sweetie has never been an endearment that works for me, but it seems to be a common one used. Sweetie is a word that grandmothers use when speaking to sales people. But I also don’t find Sweetie to be insulting, crass, or derogatory, so I usually overlook it.
Great means that they know how to interject humour into conversation. I don’t like a one-man 24 hour comedy show when I am getting to know someone, but making me smile or laugh here and there wins you mega points.
Giving great text is about as important to me, as getting great head for most men. Ok, so maybe my comparison fields need a little work, but I really do enjoy a good texting session. They last. They give you time to think, to giggle, to wonder. They can put you on edge – the good kind of edge. It doesn’t have to be a sexting session either. It’s just something that leaves a lasting impression. Here are a few of the rules that set up great text for me:
- Morning texts. Nothing says “Hey you’re on my mind…” more than a morning text. This is only applicable when you both have interest. If you are waning in your feelings, this can feel a little creepy.
- A great endearment. Again these only work when there is mutual affection building, but a well-placed Darlin’ (one of my favorites) or Baby (never use that one out the gate – too personal) can make me all melty. Dear, Sweetie, and Darling (it’s all about the dropped G folks) all envoke the same 1950’s funeral parlor feeling to me.
- Sign-off’s. If you are in the middle of texting and something comes up; work, phone call, life in general, don’t just stop texting. A simple “I have to run now, it’s been great chatting with you, maybe catch up later?” works. Even the old “BRB”, or “Phone call” works. Walking away mid-sentence usually leaves me wondering if I said something wrong, or if you suddenly dropped dead in the middle of the conversation. Okay, not really on the latter, but you catch my drift. This one drives me crazy and I am dealing with it as I write …
- Showing genuine interest. Sounds crazy right? I mean if you are already texting, then it’s apparent you are interested. But recalling something from the profile and using it for conversation shows me that you are doing what you can to get to know me. Asking me specific questions, outside of the standard ones is not only gaining ground on getting to know me, it shows me that you have dimension. I ask a thousand questions and will give plenty of cues for you to pick up on. Either you get it, or you don’t.
- Pushing the boundary ever so slightly. I don’t mean dick pics. I mean maybe the slightest hint of aggression on wanting to meet up. If you wait for me to suggest it, we’ll stay texting buddies for life.
- Grammar and punctuation. It doesn’t have to be apostrophes in all the right places, but a run-on sentence with the their/they’re/theirs in all the wrong places is going to drive me nuts. Constant single letters and digits for sentences “R U 2 bzy 2 talk?” will also drive me batshit. I love to read, which means I love to read what you have written, not play a game of trying to figure out thru hieroglyphics what you are trying to convey.
- SARCASM. Know it. Get it. Use it. It’s the second language I speak fluently. It’s the language of love for me. By sarcasm I do mean intelligent sarcasm. Mean insults hidden behind the veil of sarcasm won’t fly. It’s the difference between only knowing how to say “Mas cerveza por favor” while visiting an establishment in Mexico, and knowing how to “Perdóname , por favor dígame qué cervezas que tiene en su menú de hoy??” (Pardon me, please tell me what beers you have on your menú today? – Yes I used the Google translator for that.)
It’s very rare that I will find someone who has all of these abilities. And to be fair, I did meet someone who DID have all of these about a year ago, and he still ended up an angry little man, so holding what appears to be the Golden Texting Ticket doesn’t necessarily get you anywhere if you’re an asshole to begin with. I wish I knew how to convey to someone when we are initially messaging one another, I’m sorry I just can’t feel it thru your messages, so we probably shouldn’t even bother … I mean is there such thing as a communication snob? If I thought I was being called rude before … HA!
The gentleman I am talking with right now has a little bit of both good and bad. He hit maybe two of the above-mentioned in the good way, and two in the bad way, so he has almost cancelled himself out leaving everything in a little bit of limbo. To be completely fair I am questioning my interest and motive with him to begin with. And of course the overly sensitive person in me is questioning his interest based on the dropped mic. But I don’t really seem to care that much. That’s how it’s been for me since the get-go on Saturday. Nothing is too devastating or enthralling. Part of it is based on having my guard up, and the other part is somewhat pining for a man who can fit 1-7. Hell I’ll take 5 out of 7.
Ok, truth be told I’d take 3 out of 7 at this point. 😉