Silence

Wow, look who is the writing fool this week! Three posts in a week, no doubt!

So the texter I had in mind when writing yesterday’s blog; I’ve decided not to continue things including texting him back. We spoke yesterday morning and mid-conversation he went silent. Just !POOF! – gone. I know it wasn’t work related, but that’s all I knew. I didn’t hear anything until this morning, and even that was uber brief.  I am, sadly at times, a bit immature in my tit for tat way of thinking. I know I shouldn’t be, and I try very hard not to be, but silencing my inner 7-year old takes strength. The argument with The Fighter was an example of 7-year old me wanting to poke him with an angry insult, because he poked me first, but actually allowing maturity to slide in and steer the course to silence. So with the text this morning and the fact he walked away yesterday nearly mid-sentence saying nothing, – irked me. I wanted to not text him just for retaliatory purposes.

I had two options:

1. I could start out the gate being demanding and paint myself — scary girlfriend like? — about his rudeness in leaving the text like that. I could. But whenever I see female friends of mine doing the upfront demands like these so soon into the game, I think (quietly) to myself, “Chill … you just met! “. After all, what stage is this at? Do I really want to instill my house rules, this quickly? We haven’t even met face to face…

OR

2. I could walk. I can already see that communication skills are not a strong suit, and if they aren’t now, isn’t it fair to assume they won’t be later? I can walk now when there is absolutely nothing vested.

I went with option 2.

Sure I considered that he could end up asking why I went mute on him, but – I’d bet the farm that is not going to happen. If he were more vested then this probably wouldn’t be an issue. Besides, I think sometimes silence says more than what a thousand words ever could.

To be honest there is a third scenario tip-toeing thru my head, and it’s ringing a bunch of silent alarms. I’ll be damned if I am not going to pay heed to those alarms. When someone shows interest in you, and is texting and then suddenly goes silent, it reminds me a little too much of The Complicated One who you will recall was married. I picture the wife coming in  and the phone dropping and the day becoming something very married, while I sit there wondering what the fuck happened. I could be way off, but I’m not taking that chance here. Give me no explanation and you leave me no choice but to come to my own whacky conclusions.

I’m going to continue to set up boundaries (such as this one) and without explanation just follow them. Ultimately I feel better when I do. I need to remind myself that despite what I was taught about manners, I don’t owe the dating world politeness and explanation when the implied world doesn’t offer it back. Toughening up and realizing that will help a lot now and down the road.

So with my newfound wisdom in hand, I think tonite I may venture onto a pay site. I say MAY because I’m not certain how dedicated I am to the idea. To pay for a site says I am willing to commit to the idea, even if only for a month or two.

We’ll see….

silence

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