Yesterday I had written this very long, drawn out post about a shallow intrinsic relationship that I had twice with the same man, many many years ago. It was all about betrayal, and passion and losing yourself in the midst of sexual chemistry. I really needed to write that. It wasn’t anything I was proud of, but it was raw and it was needed. I didn’t actively put it out there in the blogsphere to be read. It had to be tripped up upon.
This morning I decided that the world didn’t need to read it though, so I deleted it.
I like to think that most of my posts are aligned with a twisted sense of irony or humour. Rarely are they so very edgy and open. Even that one could have had a lot more openness to it, but I’ve written before about how I edit myself here, because of a few that follow this blog.
A lot is going on with me right now. Some of it is twisted and confusing, and I don’t like the answer in front of me, so I keep repositioning it hoping for something else. Some of it I want to hold back on writing about. In fact, most of it I will hold back on for today. Instead I am focusing on getting ready for two happy little vacations. A minor run over to Vegas for this weekend, and a major cruise that leaves three weeks later.
As well for the first time in a while, there are boys in the mix. Some peripheral fringe players, and maybe some with a little more personal swag when it comes to impacting me. I think what it boils down to, is that I’m actively thinking about the opposite sex. That’s sort of a first for me in quite a few months. Maybe it’s the idea of all of this playtime coming up. Maybe one inadvertently sparked the igniter, which set off thoughts. Lots of thoughts…
There is a giddiness in the air and with it is a tad of get-up-and-go in my step. I am so good with this.