I had a pretty cleansing albeit kickass weekend in Vegas. I think despite some of the lost fundage (donations I like to think of them as), it was a greatly needed micro-adventure to clear my head. Which was desperately needed. I sort of felt like I was becoming this hamster spinning on the same wheel, while trying to pretend I wasn’t obsessing over the same thoughts. I use the word pretending, because a couple of very close people to me knew how bad it was getting for me. I couldn’t pretend with them. Getting out of town – especially into Vegas, hanging with friends and the frenzy that is Vegas and the strip, sort of whipped everything up into a froth, and by Saturday I was open to possibilities.
I’ll admit than when I woke up five hours after doing the Friday night Strip crawl I might have still been the teensy weeniest bit buzzed. Or at least I had some vodka vapors swirling around my head. But I sucked it up and proceeded to layer long skirts, leather bodice and other clothing in anticipation of the faire. It’s crazy what Ren Geeks will put themselves thru all in the name of their kind of fun.
Let me first say that it’s quite amazing the difference between Southern California heat and Nevada desert heat. It was unrealistically cooler in Vegas than back home. WTF? Who says, “Hey I think I’m heading to Vegas to cool off for the weekend”? The reality was, the heat of faire was much more palpable for me to handle, because of zero lack of humidity. I absolutely melt in garb when it’s in the high 80’s at home. I whine and stall, until finally I step forth and deal with it. I think it had to be in the mid 90’s this weekend, but as long as I had shade I was okay. Forget the hair and make-up. I was in Faire for all of ten minutes when I twisted my hair up and left it there for the remainder of the day. Sweat took care of the make-up fifteen minutes after that. By hour two I had lost all dignity and was bird-bathing and soaking myself in the drinking water fountains.
There was a touch of a rough spell about three hours into arrival when what small of a group we had — all split up and went our separate ways. Some dropped like flies in the heat. I was lucky enough to recognize that the only liquid I needed in me was water (along with something to eat), and no sooner did I quit drinking beer, I was feeling that much better.
I finally got the text from my cousin and his wife, who I was really really hoping to spend time with. They live out there, and as close as we are to one another you’d think we’d see each other more often. Not the case. We found each other in the crowds (how did people do this prior to cell phones?) and of course beer drinking recommenced. We stayed in the shade for a bit longer, got caught up in one another’s lives, and probably bored his dear sweet wife to tears with stories of growing up together. By the time he had to leave, I was leaking sodium from my eyes (tears). So very sad that our time was so short, but they had obligations to meet that evening. I love most all people when I’m drinking (I am that I love you maaaaan, kinda gal) but put me with someone I really truly love and there it was. Not blubbering. Just leaking. How fortunate for the people around me. 😉
I met up with a friend I hadn’t actually ever met in person – we know each other thru Facebook only, and he kept me very entertained for the remainder of the late afternoon, early evening, while I re-sobered up for the second time in the day. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t really nice, although the initial meet up was momentarily painful in one of those minor ways of embarrassment. 😉
To top that all off, I think — well, I’m pretty certain I have resolved the man from the past thing. We were texting at one point on Friday night, but that may have well been booze related on my end. My friend suggested breathalyzers on phones to keep people from doing exactly that. She sweetly sat there and listened to me lament back and forth on what I was going to do about the situation at hand, — knowing what I needed to do — while we both inhaled a really bad breakfast of bacon and eggs at 2 in the morning. Damn I love me a greasy breakfast in the middle of the night.
By Saturday morning I felt focused on the present, on the here and now – and it worked. I mean part of it was just being too damn busy, part of it was being too damn distracted and part of it was some resolve that I finally mustered up when I found myself alone at the end of the night. I mean seriously – why is this a question?
Because I am me, and my choices with men are not always the smartest, the most clued in, or the most cognizant.
I want sweetness. If I’m getting back out there, I want someone who is good. This other stuff has too much history and too much – really bad karma just waiting to flatten me. I mean it is enticing …. Jesus Christ is it enticing, but the bad news that would come with it, is nowhere near where I want to be in my life. Ultimately it has absolutely zero benefit to offer me, and huge amounts of pain, so move along little cowboy.
Aaaand I hope that’s all I ever write about in this situation again.
I’m in flats today because the heels of my freaking feet are so flipping blistered I cannot walk on them. I have no idea on how that happened except that I think my faire shoes might be a tad too loose on me now too. On top of that yesterday I woke up with my crotch feeling like someone had taken sandpaper and a hammer to it. I am assuming it was hard benches with good posture, plus the forced angle a bodice has you sitting in, I think literally bruised it. I’ve been doing faire for how long and never have either of these things happened. I told the friend I was sharing my room with that I should have at least had some action for having felt so beat up. Between walking like I had ridden a horse while wearing no panties, and only being able to walk on the pads of my feet I can only imagine the show I put on leaving the hotel yesterday. Fortunately today the nether regions are healed, so it’s a barely noticed tip toe thing I am doing.
So Emotionally – I’m up a few points. Mental is about an even keel, with Physical — well judging from above, let’s say down a couple points. I think this means ultimately on this trip I broke even.