Post Vacation Depression has hit me today. I’m certain that feeding into the feeling is the fact that physically, I feel so crappy. I came down with the Cruise Crud the last day and night. While most who also caught this were able to shake it off, like usual, this went straight to my chest and started breeding a nasty little infection. So between the lack of sleep on the vacation, and the lack of sleep due to this cough, I’m certain I am not thinking with all cylinders fired. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the antibiotics kick in quickly.
I need to hit a lottery, because it became very clear to me this past week, I am so over being part of the workforce. I wonder if I just sold everything how long I could live as a boat bum, just island hopping on a small sailboat, sipping boat drinks and improving my snorkeling skills? Instead I am a petulant sick child today who felt forced to play the part in dress and heels, nearly stomping my feet as I walked in the office door.
This was a most interesting vacation for me. I am not certain if I will be able to clearly define why except to say that for me it almost felt a little … surreal and Wonderland like. Maybe it was the singles aspect of being on a cruise for me. All cruises before were as a couple and while those were enjoyable, they were much more staid than this. We never stayed up til 2AM dancing on an almost daily basis, or swam in the warm ocean during thunderstorms. I wasn’t with nearly 400 like-minded individuals. The vacations then were —- simply nice. This was … I don’t have the word for it yet.
I’ll admit there were a couple of minor speed bumps. As aggressive and forward as most people see me, there is also a very shy person who needs down time from crowds. At times I was nearly frozen with the knowledge that everyone seemed to know everyone else. I couldn’t stay attached at the hip to my roommate. I heard the percentage of people new to this huge group was something like 5%. So when those situations hit I just did what I do best at those moments — retreat, and regain my bearings. As the week went on I met more people and found myself having to do this less and less. Meeting sweet, interesting, people who made me laugh so much became easier and easier as the days went by.
Of course I wasn’t sure what the protocol for these types of cruises really was. Are you there just to make friends? Yes. Are you there to make romantic connections? Yes. Hook-ups only? I can’t be certain of that, but I would imagine for some, yes on that too. Do you stay in touch afterwards? Are there weird expectations? I mean there were no clear boundaries, no book of rules per say, and that’s what made this control freak a little bit out of her element. Tell me what I am supposed to do next! — I internally screamed into the wind, and no response came back. In these situations, when there is absolutely NO control, the only thing is to let loose and go with the flow. As usual whenever I finally loosen that tight grip, I find myself absolutely loving the free-fall. I really need to recall this when my controlling issues come up, because I rarely regret letting go.
Of course the PVD and Cruise Cough have my head sort of reeling, and while I wanted to touch on a couple of items, I realize that I am letting the sadness sort of envelope me by doing as much. So I’ll leave it alone, with this; Suffice to say there is some confusion going on surrounding a couple of individuals and I haven’t a clue on what direction to turn to in figuring things out. So I won’t. I’ll let life and time make things happen … or not and leave it at that.
Until then, I’ll throw myself into this thing called W-O-R-K … at least for a couple of days. I have plans on Friday and took the day off; Which makes today my Monday that actually lands on a Tuesday, technically my Wednesday. Double points if you followed that one. 😉