Damn I love talking. I don’t mean just my lips moving and babble spewing forth. I mean really talking. Bantering. Learning. Deep Discussions. Playful Jawing that moves to laughter. I love the cadence and rhythm of talking with the right person. I love the back and forth and anticipation of online conversations. Best of all I love listening to stories and cataloging reference materials that make up individuals to be who they are. Details.
I decided after a month of odd conversations with strangers I knew; and after a wonderful week of meeting new people, — that it’s time to get back out there. Out there, to the land that is not always comfortable. Where you sort of wear a suit of armor, and at the same time need to show enough vulnerability to prove you are still a living breathing human.
Yes folks, the land of Online Dating.
*cue the creepy music*
I already have the profile built, it was just a matter of turning it back on. Flipping the proverbial switch. What I’ve found about this, is that sometimes it’s 100% about timing. My first time on, I felt like I was the bait in Jimmy Buffet’s song “Sharks”. There were fins to the left, and fins to the right … I learned from there. The second time it was horrible. That’s when the situation with The Fighter and I occurred. My mojo was horribly wrong, and I think I shut it back down in less than a week. I didn’t recall one decent conversation.
This time, it’s been very interesting. Now granted it’s been only — 2 days? But I get the feeling that I’m almost being tested. Here is how it works and ties in to talking.
First: You know those 80’s movies where the girl is being given two romantic choices; one with the sweet, smart, funny (fill in the descriptive – Nerd. Parapalegic. Funny Looking Guy who is hot once he takes off his glasses) and the other with Mr. Charisma, and you just know you are being set up to root for the Underdog? Ultimately she chooses wrong, realizes her mistake and goes back to what was really best for her? Yeah I think I may have that, and I can’t help but wonder if this is how Murphy’s law tests me.
I’m going to call our protagonist Paul, because in some weird way he very much reminded me of Paul Giamatti in Sideways.
Next we have two men that I actually sought out. Not literally. Well one of them I didn’t.
I ran across the first profile and loved his sort of off the cuff, don’t take life too seriously way of writing. He made me LOL, and specifically stated that if you liked what you saw, to message him, because he wouldn’t know otherwise. He also had that very rugged, very masculine look about him. I liked to imagine that he had Sam Elliot’s deep voice, because it looked like it would fit him so well. So I took a chance and wrote him. I rarely do this. Not because of my lack of aggression (puh-leeze), but more because I seriously never know what to say. I want to be witty, but my brand of wit sometimes comes across snarky (see The Fighter).
I was actually talking with Paul and having a side convo with my daughter when I saw him look at my profile. I sort of let out a giggle that thankfully he couldn’t hear and held my breath. He took a few before he responded back to me, but I was pleased.
My daughter nicknamed him immediately Santa Claus, because she is an ageist — because he has white facial hair. She even called me out on Facebook stating I stayed up alllll night talking with Santa Claus. Little shit. In his defense he is only three years older than me, but she is trying to convince me I need to go for the younger guys, because I look too young to be with men this old. Bless her young little heart. Now for nickname purposes, I can’t call him Santa, because that’s just crossing some perverse childhood line for me. It’s tantamount to women who call their husbands Daddy. Let’s just go with Claus.
The third was one I really sought. I say that because I was reading his profile and thinking WOW, and then lost it when I hit the wrong button and I literally had to go and search him out again. He looks a bit like Claus, with the white facial hair, but it a little trimmer, and seems a tad more — sophisticated. His writing style was also a bit more mature, and actually made me laugh out loud. Not LOL, but literally make sounds of laughter emit from my pie hole. He is about 6 years older than me. I wasn’t certain if he would respond to my message, but like Claus he read my profile and in moments had messaged me. I will nick him Flyer.
Then the talking started. So now I have three convo’s going.
Now recall, I said I love talking. And I was in my element. I was flirting (a favorite activity of mine) and really talking and bantering and feeling a little overwhelmed at times.
Paul messaged me first and said he noticed I had checked out his profile. I had. He had a pic of him standing next to a very attractive man, and I wondered, “Hmmmmm. This could be the cute guys profile, or this could be the Paul Giamatti looking guy’s profile. Do we dare?”. We dared and sure enough it was his, and not the cute guy. But his approach was sweet and nice, and I had been bemoaning to my daughter moments ago about the lack of decent guys (oh the stories in a mere 24 hours!) when it came thru. My daughter admitted he was a tad funny looking but we both did the whole puppy dog thing (Awwwww) and decided to give him a try. (Yes I realize it’s weird to be on a dating site with my kid, but that’s how we roll. She doesn’t stick around for the convos, because even I am not that weird.). Convo was going great.
Paul is sweet. He is very local to my area, very new and very raw. Vulnerable. I can smell it a mile away. I felt like a vampire who could hear his blood pulsing, only it wasn’t his blood it was his vulnerability. I almost just want to take him under my wing to protect him. He has no sweetness filter, and just really says how he feels. But we really had the most in common. Music and photography. His favorite music is mine. We even talked about taking a dance class together. But to be brutally honest I have no attraction to him. I feel like he is my tester.
Claus on the other hand is very gregarious. He had me laughing the most, and we spoke the longest. I liked how he could keep up with me, and I liked how he seemed interested. But he is a handful. His messages were flying so fast it was throwing me off from the other two. He had me laughing and really on my A-game with sarcasm ping-pong. He also lives the farthest, but it’s doable.
Flyer of course was the horse I wanted to bet on. We really did get along very well. He was a lot more sedate than Klaus and his humor felt a little more up my alley. Not the booming fixture that Claus seemed to be. But he was also the most reserved, and if there is one I would bet on not hearing back from, it would be him. He is also local. Not as much as Paul, but close enough.
All three asked if we could talk again, that’s how well the conversation seemed to go. I agreed to all.
Paul asked for my number and I declined. Stated I wanted to get to know him better. He seemed to understand.
I offered my number to both Claus and Flyer. I know, I’m a complete shit for that. They both took it and in exchange gave me theirs. Claus was the only one to immediately use it.
Now Claus and I have texted all day. I cannot say for certain about him. While I liked the expressiveness of him, it’s almost overwhelming today. Like a giant puppy. I like to laugh, but the constant joking is almost grating. I can tell he is already pre-smitten, but I can also tell he might be the most insecure of the group. I think with one wrong turn he could get hurt and stomp off. In thinking about him, he does sort of remind me of Mr. Sweet Nothings. He’s honest without being too exposed, and you almost feel you could fall into something with him. Like quicksand almost. I hope I’m a tad wrong and he’s just caught up in the moment.
I see that Paul has already messaged me, twice no less, but I figure I will deal with it later. He’s the one I think I would possibly really like to be friends with. Take those dance lessons we talked about. Go out and shoot pics in the canyons with.
Nothing from Flyer, but I’m okay. Like I said he might be the one most apt to walk. He was also the last one I heard from last night.
But wait – there is more. One other guy messaged me yesterday. He wasn’t my taste so much, but he was polite and interesting. He wasn’t bad looking by any means, just a tad thinner than I normally like. But I am pretty certain that his profile had something on it that I immediately thought “Oh nope. No way!” Like he never drinks, or he is very religious, or completely vegan or something. It was one of those deal breakers. To be honest, I responded out of politeness, and didn’t put much effort into it, thinking he would get bored (some you respond back with a “Hi!” to their “Hi!” and they get bored and never come back.). But he didn’t. I don’t know why but I’m going to nick him Ace.
Ace ended up messaging me a few small things as the first day went on. Honestly when I saw him respond again last night I thought to myself, “I don’t have time for this!” – but the message was good. He is inquisitive and you can tell he reads everything I write. He answers back with such interesting responses, and they are in depth, but weirdly he doesn’t seem interested in me. Maybe because I know he has that deal-breaker going, I’m just going full throttle like I would with an old friend. And that’s what is strange; I have this immediate rapport with him that I don’t exactly have with the others. While we have very little in common, he is the one I’m honestly clicking with the most right now. He is the stick in the wheel, keeping other things from spinning smoothly. It’s like I look forward to his messages now, moreso than anyone else’s.
Now I know how this online thing works. One day it’s raining men, and the next day is Asshole Wednesday. The men that showed so much interest in you dry up, because the next Barbie shows up. I know as I am talking with 3 – no wait, 4 of them, that probably Ace and Flyer at the very least are talking with others as well. Claus might be too, but I don’t know when he would find the time, and Paul. Well I don’t think so….. I know my ego can be all fat and fed today only to be starving in a day or two. This isn’t me getting high off the attention though. This is genuine interest. Well maybe not so much with Paul. I do need to figure out how to handle that. And to not accidentally call him Paul. 😉
So the test here – is Murphy’s Law fucking with me? Giving me what I would want in a man (if I wasn’t so shallow) in Paul or maybe even Ace, while waving the cherry around of someone like Flyer? —- Hell no. I mean, I think that would be overthinking things a bit, unless of course there was a director calling CUT every few moments, and I was starring in my own 80’s version of a John Hughes flick.
Pretty in Pink meets Breakfast Club. I could do that.