Bye Buddy, Hope You Find Your Dad!*


Ahhhh the holidays are upon us and all I can say is What the fuck? Seriously it seems like two weeks ago it was September, and suddenly Turkey day is in a week and I am seeing reminders that Christmas is in like, 45 days. I know they say that time flies as you get older, but Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous. There has been absolutely NO foreplay in my holiday months. They just sort of grabbed me when I wasn’t looking and went to town, humping my leg like a horny little dog.

I’m certain that my overly booked October just knocked everything by the wayside, and time sort of jetted by while I was preoccupied with past relationships, and sailing ships. Just by looking around my house you can tell I’ve not really been paying attention. While I don’t do a huge amount of decorating for the Fall holidays, I usually do something. I acknowledge. I have a box with fall décor. Pumpkins and fall colored things. This year though? Nada. I might go home and hang a fall-like wreath this weekend. At least I will feel like I am participating in the holiday. And while I usually have my Christmas shopping done by the end of October; This year? I bought my first gifts yesterday. 46 days before Xmas and the first gift is bought. Who AM I?

Here is the strange part; All of this tradition, (or habit one might say) usually gives me a sense of control over the chaos that is holiday-driven. Décor, gifts bought, and wrapped.  I think last year I attempted to change things up with the gift buying a bit, because I recognized that the earlier I shop, the more I spend. Holding off drove me nuts. I couldn’t do it. It’s what I knew, and how I knew to do things, and changing it was the cog in the wheel that was going to throw me overboard.

Today I feel I could sleep thru the holidays and be okay with that.

It’s not the negative Bah-Humbug attitude that I see from a few people in my life. I love Christmas. (I’m merely okay with Thanksgiving) I just feel like I don’t have time for it this year, both in the mental capacity or the time frame. My Grinch is more of a rushed pre-occupied one versus the nasty mean one.


Or so I kinda thought. I walked into a Party City a couple of days ago to pick up items for a co-workers birthday, and saw all of the Christmas décor. The decorator in me sort of twitched, flinched and then suddenly sparked up. Like someone was trying to fire up the ignition on the car that had sat idle for months. I compromised my credit card carrying hand and bought a 3 foot paper turkey (ala tacky classroom décor, but of course)  to hang outside my cubicle, while gleefully reminding the co-worker who came with me, that in a mere two weeks we can put up Xmas lights on our cubicles.


I guess it only took some green tinsel and a few Sale! signs to smother my Grinch and bring Christmas back to Whooville.

Go figure.


*This is a quote from Mr. Narwhal in Elf. My absolute favorite Christmas movie, followed by A Christmas Story and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. I just recently discovered that Narwhal’s are real things. That blew my mind. So on behalf of Mr. Narwhal & myself, the title of this blog is also one of the most often said statements in my house, ever.



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