I’ve been in one of those weird moods for the past few days. It’s not a bad mood. Restless energy maybe? I think initially it was the coming of the full moon, especially after I woke up with a shopping binge hangover Saturday morning that only a full moon can induce. Some grow hair and howl at the moon. I peruse Macys and Amazon websites.
Today I feel that it’s more my body trying to get back to normal after the weekend of me trying to medicate the aforementioned mood with alcohol and frivolities. Either way, today I feel like my clothes are bunched up on me. Literally. I keep inconspicuously checking the back of my dress to make sure it’s not tucked up around my belt, because that’s exactly how it feels. Maybe my liver bloated up enough to cause me to bloat two belt sizes larger.
Anyway, not pertaining to the abovementioned mood per say, but I’ve decided when I come back from vacation in a few weeks that I will meet up for coffee with the Protagonist of my blog Three Horseman and a Fourth, Paul (Pseudonym) back in November. If nothing more, the guy has politely and patiently persevered for a few months with me. While I don’t usually consider meeting someone just for being persistent, especially if I cannot fathom any sort of romantic relationship, I do recall that he was very easy to talk to, and that our common interests seemed enough to start a friendship. Not the way The Italian thought we were going to have a friendship. (Code for a relationship) A real one.
I’ll admit that I’ve gone thru a few waves of feeling almost annoyance at his inability to read my ghosting him as a lack of interest. My inability to be completely rude to him, seems to give him just enough energy to stick around a little bit longer. He sends me a message every few weeks, like a faint voice from the back of the audience reminding me he is still there. They are always sweet, and articulate messages. Sometimes I’ll ignore them, but after a couple of them, I just can’t. So I pop on, and give him the partial truth, that I have been so busy (very true) and that when things settle down I will be more communicative (probably not). It’s like I almost forget about him and PING — I see a banner read on my phone reminding me I have messages on such and such site. I have told him that I rarely check my messages on the site, but he is tenacious in asking with such polite sincerity, if I might be ready for that coffee or a drink.
Now normally I would suggest meeting for a drink, because I think a drink or two loosens things up, and you get a feel for what sort of person you are with. Plus who the heck doesn’t like a cold libation after a long day (most of my dates are after work) — but I’ve noticed lately that my Nice meter tends to need calibration once I’ve added alcohol to it. Some people are mean drinkers, or loud drinkers, or ones that won’t shut up. Alcohol tends to make me way too nice. I am generous, and I pick up bar bills, restaurant tabs, and invites like I am a Hugh Hefner. Let’s not even mention how I tend to trust too much, and let you know where I live so you can creepily deliver me soup . Yup – two martini’s in and I am all about buzzed sincerity that ends up with me making future plans that I always regret once the effects of the alcohol wear off. Coffee on the other hand, will keep me tense, alert, and ready to spring into action (read: run) if I get the persistent-meant-creepy vibe from him in person. If he is truly as nice as I suspect, then he gets to see me at my ZINGY hyper self, which I will do my best to tone down, but even I have limited control. Anyone who sticks around after that show is worth keeping as a friend. So it’s a double edged sword and test at once. And I won’t worry that a few hours later I will regret any additional plans I made. If I make them, it’s not because I was feeling super happy from cocktails, it’s because this guy was as nice as I hoped.
He’s local, which has a lot of good potential and a bit of bad. Good could be if we hit it off as friends, I have someone I can reach out to, to hang with that enjoys some of the same things I do. (I was reminded this past weekend amongst a group of friends why I am left out of last minute plans is because I live in the boonies) I recall we both had interest in nature and architectural photography, and both were considering – don’t laugh, it’s part of my bucket list – formal dance lessons. I’ve never even mentioned that to too many people, so he gets points for dragging that info out. I’ve always wanted to learn how to decently dance any type of formal dance (I’m an Elaine Benes dance machine left to my freestyle devices – and I’m totally okay with that) and I think if I recall things well from a couple of months ago, he said he did too.
If this turns out uncomfortable to the point I don’t want to even be friends, then I run the chance of running into him at a grocery store, or other place of local business. That could be extremely awkward. But fortunately I never ran into the lawyer I had coffee with a few years back and he lives super close to me. Plus I hate the grocery store and limit my time there, by living off the eggs and yogurt I run in to get once a week.
Of course this could all be post full moon or worst yet, pre-vacation buzz going on for me: Making me again feel very generous, much like a martini does – which is why I will wait until I get back to make the date. Post vacation letdown changes the tone of everything.